Yes, I’m playing catch up…

Disclaimer: Sick of putting it in here. Don’t own CCS, Fushigi Yuugi, Harry Potter, or anything else except what I write, and what I know is mine… don’t steal my fic, kk?

Eh, Argh, angst. Oh well

Warnings: Touya bastardization, angst, implied Yue x Touya and Syaoran x Yue

Chapter 43 – Syaoran

Syaoran-sama?

I turn to look at the Freeze card. He’s perched on my bed, miniature form of course, he wouldn’t fit in here otherwise, staring at me with sad eyes.

“Yes, Freeze?” I found out just this morning when Watery splashed me awake that here, magic is so free that the cards can slip out and do what they want – which usually involves talking to me. It’s nice though, to talk to them, since they’re mine.

I don’t think Yue will ever be mine.

No, he won’t ever be mine anymore, now that he has Touya. And I’m learning not to care, really…

We’re leaving in a few hours. Finally. I’m all packed, of course. Our three-day stay stretched into a week, since Yue is doing the preparations, and I didn’t bother to care. Cerberus is snoozing after Sweet made him a mountain of candies – some things, like gluttony, just don’t change across dimensions – but…. Other things do.

Perhaps that’s a good thing.

We still haven’t talked, but it doesn’t matter anymore.

Syaoran-sama, you should take a look at yourself. Freeze finally says.

What?

So just to humor him, I flare my magic aura, and it’s silver like I expected, because silver is still a pretty color, except…

Oh my…

Why? Why are there… blue streaks now, an icy-blue, blue the color of Freeze’s body? I turn to look at him in surprise, but he shakes his head.

I did nothing, Syaoran-sama. That’s your heart…

“My heart?” Is he implying that my heart is frozen? I won’t have it! I love him, and all my cards!

I’m sure you will understand in time. Take care of yourself. That’s all he says as he lightly kisses my cheek and then vanishes.

I smile as I watch the cards fly around me in patterns. They’re so pretty… green and gold backed, mine, all mine…

For some reason, I find myself rubbing the stud earring Yue gave me, almost irritably. I still wear it as a ring on one finger, almost a wedding ring, or at least a promise of engagement.

Perhaps, now it’s time to return it. If he no longer cares, I shouldn’t bind him to myself using Clow’s reasons... That would be selfish…

Yes. I promise. I won’t be selfish like Clow was before me… not like… my father was… before me…

We ride along in silence, pretty much, following the beam of light from my compass. It’s bright of course, since there are three guardians around me – I still can’t believe why Touya of all people, wound up as my seishi, it just isn’t fair, and he’s not going to listen to me anyways, but….

It’s cold in the desert at night.

So. Since Touya used that excuse to get Yue in a tent with him, I’m curled up next to Cerberus – he really does make a great pillow and warmer, wrapped in a blanket, with Firey just to keep me warm in case – it wouldn’t be good for the Priest of Clow to freeze in the desert, of course…

Hm. My life has never been my own, and I was spoiled on freedom in Hogwarts. I ought to get used to reality now.

Yes. I ought to get used to reality by now.

It’s really, really quiet. I’m not sure if Silent is keeping us this way, but Shield is up, to protect us just in case – I need all seven seishi alive for the summoning ceremony after all, according to this scroll, and I’m supposed to burn it in a fire after I chant the incantation. It doesn’t seem particularly hard…

But what would I do with three wishes anyway? I’m happy enough, aren’t I? In the Mirror of Erised all I saw were the cards and I already have the cards and that’s enough for me.

Really.

I feel them flickering to life sleepily, but I shush them and I slip into slumber, content enough for now…

I’m happy! Really.

After all, there are only four seishi to go now, and that shouldn’t take too long, right? Everything will work out just fine…

Wait…. If the seishi are all somehow related to the Clow Cards, perhaps I ought to be looking for Mizuki-sensei, or maybe Sakura? I don’t know if I can face her, but if I don’t love her in any way but that of a sister, it should be all right, and the Sakura in this world really has no reason to hate me at all. Tomoyo and Meiling might be seishi, but they didn’t have magic back in our world so I doubt they will have magic here.

Who else? Oh yes, Ruby Moon and Spinel Sun, of course… that will easily make seven. I’ll activate the board tomorrow, for now I’ll sleep…

Cerberus makes a good pillow.

The seishi are supposed to have special powers to protect the Priest. Well, at least that’s what the legend Yue told me about said. I suppose in this version, the same holds true. I wonder what Touya’s special power is. Not that I care….

I don’t expect any favors for him. He decided to hate me on sight. I at least have a valid excuse for my dislike of him, and I’m not making it obvious!

Yue can fly, and Cerberus can fly, and Cerberus can throw fire like he used to, and of course, Yue can still throw his diamond ice crystals and use his bow and arrow and create a shield….

I’m sure he can take good care of himself.

I wake up the next morning and find that Create has already made breakfast and that Touya and Yue are still in their tent and I’m just slightly annoyed since the sun’s been up for a few hours and it’s time to leave!

So I go to the tent and then I find that it’s empty, which certainly does nothing for my nerves, so I pack up quickly and then I climb on Cerberus’s back and activate the compass to find them…

And when I find that they’re together, and obviously engaged in something I shall not describe here, it cinched it.

“Since you two are too busy acting like bunnies instead of helping me look for the rest of the seishi, enjoy each other’s company until the summoning ceremony!” There, that startled them, but I don’t give them time to explain because I really am angry, so angry, that Cerberus and I fly off in to the distance, seeking the next seishi….

I don’t need them! I can take care of myself!

I don’t need anyone!

End Chapter

Completed 6/4/05

Yue: Don’t I get any say in this fic?

Phantomness: *coldly* I thought you would have liked some time with Touya, considering how often you two boink in fanfiction

Syaoran: …