I hate Touya. So there!

Disclaimer: Fushigi Yuugi belongs to Yu Watase. Card Captor Sakura belongs to CLAMP and Kodansha. This non-profit, non-copyright infringing fanfiction belongs to me under international copyright laws, so don’t steal and don’t sue! *Phantomness bows*

Note: Clow cards talk in italics, and Syaoran and Yue communicate in telepathy <>

Chapter 45 – Yue

Silence.

Why? What is wrong? Should not the ceremony have worked?

Touya!

Clow, his eyes, that hate, and before I can react, he lunges towards Syaoran with a sword, and Syaoran just closes his eyes…

And then Firey, Watery, Earthy, and Windy choose to express their displeasure that he should dare hurt their Master…

Syaoran opens his eyes, and sees blood, staining his white robe crimson, and he does not stay a word, as they gather around him and soothe him and pet his hair, and I wish I could do something, but I feel frozen…

Clow, he was…. He was… and I let him…

I finally break free from my paralysis, and rush towards him, and Yukito gives me this horrible reproachful look, which is simply odd, because he’s not supposed to exist!

Yet… I swear to Clow that I would never have let Touya… if not for my false form. The barrier in this world is so weak; he can take control of me. It is a disconcerting feeling…

I’m supposed to be the one in control

I was too ashamed to find Master Syaoran and apologize after what Yukito had done – I mean my false form, Yukito, not that one, but now…

Am I paying the price?

Cerberus licks his face worriedly. “Syaoran?”

We need to get him out of these. He’ll just continue to stare if we don’t. Windy says authoritatively, and within moments, the elementals have dressed him back in his green robes, and he looks slightly better…

Here. Watery tips a glass of water she conjured up down his throat, and he swallows, but it’s fine, and then he smiles…

“You protected me…”

Yes we did, Earthy smiles, and something in her tone almost seems smug, but that can’t be, they’re just cards… right?

Surely the spirits aren’t… unhappy with me? It wasn’t my fault, truly… but no matter how I try to convince myself, I can’t.

It is…

And then Syaoran-sama comes up to me with this horribly choked look in his eyes, and he slides the earring stud off his finger and holds it out expressionlessly…

And I can almost hear his unspoken words…

Go to him…

Syaoran-sama! This is not the time! Watery chides him. Sleep dear, could you?

Of course! The pixie replies, and then transparent blue dust drifts over his form, and his eyes close in a wordless sigh…

Sweet dreams, Syaoran-sama… Dream smiles.

Cerberus bares his teeth at me, and Yukito continues to glare, and I have the feeling that I’m most certainly not welcome, and when I try to demand an explanation from the cards, they won’t obey, and I’m suddenly struck with the realization that these aren’t the Clow Cards and I have no power over them…

These are Syaoran’s cards, created from his blood and his magic…

This is your fault.

I fled the room after that thought, of course, but within moments I had an unwelcome visitor.

Time looked at me just as reproachfully as the others, but at least he offered somewhat of an explanation.

I never meant to hurt him, but as Clow said, the road to hell is paved with good intentions.

How can I explain to him that I wasn’t attracted to Touya, and that I certainly did not mean to… with him… and that it was because the Yukito inside of me loved Touya?

I tried to erase Yukito from my personality in the past, just once or twice, perhaps because I felt that at Hogwarts, he was unnecessary, but he would not leave.

He had somehow become quite independent from me…

And he loved Touya.

So in this world, it did not matter if this was a different Touya, it did not matter if he could not force me to take on his form, he wanted him, he loves him, and… I let him.

I could have fought him down and lost most of my power in the battle, but I was selfish and refused to waste my energy, and so I let him use my body in such a degrading way and now Syaoran-sama…

Now…

I don’t know how he feels.

I cannot believe how horribly selfish I am. Every time I try to love him, I only seem to end up hurting him more with my foolish actions.

I swore to protect him, but I could not protect him from myself…

Yes you are!

Time has his hands on his hips. Do you know what he asked us? He asked Erase to make him forget he ever loved you? He hurt that much, and out of that pain, our newest sister was born… the Hate card…

He… hates me?

Erase nods. Yes, he did!

“He… I…” Oh what have I done? I hate this feeling of helplessness, but… perhaps I can make amends, as futile as that sounds, and as… hopeless as I feel.

“May I see him?”

They exchange looks. Syaoran-sama is still sleeping. You can at least give him a few moments of peace.

While you’re at this, you can also solve the problem and prevent it from happening again. Erase snaps, with a full-fledged glare upon her physiognomy.

You do realize that Yukito is your false form. Surely it is not difficult?

I’d be glad to help. Erase smiles.

I close my eyes, and soon enough, there’s nothing left of Yukito in my mind, and I feel slightly worried.

These cards Syaoran made are more powerful than the Clow Cards…

Erase skips off to find her Master, and Time smiles at me. Feeling slightly better, moon guardian?

“Why do you call me that?”

Because Syaoran-sama loves you, moon guardian, which is why we accept your presence. His eyes harden. However, if you cause him to lose his heart again, we shall not forgive you.

This is no idle threat, so I nod and then he takes his leave.

Perhaps I should check on Syaoran… I’ll let him sleep a little more though, for now.

I’m sorry.

My apologies mean nothing. But how can I prove myself if I keep making mistakes? What if there comes a day, when he decides that I’m not worthy of him?

He promised not to hurt me like Clow did, but I worry…

What happens when I’m not good enough?

End Chapter

Completed 6/5/05

Yay for the Syaoran cards! ^^

Okay. I don’t blame Yue for Yukito’s actions. But I’m not sure how Syaoran will react when he finds out…

Now though, Yue and Yukito are separate people from different universes. *Evil grin* Oh, the possibilities!

Syaoran: …

Phantomness: *smirk*