Chapter 4: Meaning


     White powder strayed across the bottom of his nose and Norman
laughed idily. He wasn't paying attention to him though. He was more
focused on the numbing feeling he had. It had been almost two monthes
since his son had died. His son... He had been his hope for the future
and now look what happened. He had thrown it all away. 

     All of Norman's furniture was a blur. It was Norman's first time at
this little bout of bliss, but Jacob Birch was no stranger to it.

     Brendan's money from battling had supported his little habit once
his own had run out. Oh yes, Brendan was definetely still taking care of
his father, even though he probably hadn't meant for it to happen. He
had no say in it though.

     "I see Swablus..." Norman giggled, still dazed. The great professor
remembered that stage, when everything had been so funny after he
sniffed a little white powder. Now he mainly used it to numb whatever
pain he felt.

     Jacob ignored his gym leader friend and concentrated on himself. He
could still remember his son, how disappointed Brendan would be of him,
how he wouldn't have told May about seeing her father like this but yet
being the shoulder for her to cry on when she did find out. She wouldn't
know though. She spent her time with that Wally kid and was over there
at the moment.

     That little bitch. How could she betray Brendan's memory by sucking
up to his rival now that he was dead? She pretty much killed him
anyways. Murdering tramp... All she wanted was glory and money anyways.
She sucked up to the boy who was destined to be champion, and when he
died, she went to the boy who took his place. Coincidence? He thought
not.

     In the distance, the door opened. Or it seemed like the distance,
but right when it opened, the person coming through saw what they were
doing. She was shocked and even though she had already cried a river,
tears sprung into her eyes immediately.

     "Daddy? Professor Birch?" she cried out. Norman, though still out
of it, seemed to snap back to reality when he saw his daughter standing
with her back against the door.

     "May? I thought you weren't supposed to be home until ten!" he told
her. Jacob still felt numb, but he knew he would've been heartbroken to
let Brendan see him like this.

     "It's ten thirty-three," she said icily and marched towards the
steps.

     "May, it's not what it looks like!" He jumped up and tried to grab
her arm, but she pulled away.

     "Then what is it, Daddy? Are you trying to stick sugar up your
nose?" she snarled sarcastically. 

     "It's the only time I've done it, May!" he pleaded but his daughter
showed no mercy.

      "What about him?" she demanded suddenly, pointing at the
professor. 

     He tried to speak as calmly as he could. "No, May, it's not MY
first time-"

     Her eyes instantly flooded over then. "Then what, Mr. Birch, were
you doing it when-" she stopped herself and swallowed hard. "-When
Brendan was alive?"

     "No, never!" he protested. The numbness was starting to wear off on
him and looking at the surviving trainer, anger welled up inside.

     "What would Brendan think if he saw you two like this?" she
screamed and she sat on the stairs with tears falling down her face.

     "What would Brendan think if he saw you cozying up to Wally?" he
shot back nastily. 

     She looked shocked for a moment and then retaliated. "Don't make
this about me! Wally is my friend and he's the only one I talk to now!
I'm not out sniffing up drugs with him, unlike some hotshot professor I
know!" 

     "Whatever, you little tramp. You're out there screwing him over and
sucking up all his glory and money and fame! If he wasn't the Pokemon
Master, you wouldn't have the time of day for him and if Brendan had
been some meager little trainer instead of the champion he was, you
would've never talked to him either!"

     May laughed a little. "The champion he was? He never won that
title! You know what your problem is, professor? You have some golden
image of him that isn't true! He KILLED himself. He didn't die a hero's
death!! He shot himself with a GUN! You put him on a pedestal and you
aren't taking him down!" she screamed.

     "At least I'm remembering him instead of mooching off the latest
hotshot to reach the top! That's all you wanted my son for, too! He was
far more powerful than you, he had better connections, his family was
richer, his family was more well-known, everyone knew his name, everyone
loved him, he was better than you-"

     "SHUT UP!" she screamed and everything went silent. "I loved
Brendan so much that it hurts to think about him. I know I did something
wrong and there's no way to change that. If I could, I would, believe
me. I know he had his faults, but he had a lot more great qualities. I
respected him a lot, and I cared for him a lot. I have so many pointless
memories of that boy, but you know what? In all those memories, I'm
remembering him exactly how he was, faults and all. And you know what?
While I'm out there trying to get over Brendan, because it would kill me
to try to hold on forever, at least, I'm not doing it sniffing cocaine
and convincing my friends to do it too."

     "May-" Jacob started.

     "I told you to shut up! I know you feel you have no life, because
Brendan's dead and I DO know how it feels because I often feel the same
way. You know what though? You still have your career, your wife, you
still have a life that you can continue! My dad, he was me and my
brother and my mom and his gym leader position and you can't try to get
him to break away from that. You may think only of yourself now, but my
dad has us to think about and you're not only going to ruin both of your
lives, you're going to ruin my family's too."

     "May, I'm sorry," finished Norman lamely. "I won't do it again."

     "I'm going to bed," she announced and she ran up her stairs,
leaving Norman and Jacob with the memory of her words.

     "That's exactly the speech Brendan would make," Jacob said
tearfully. "All these last two monthes, I've been wishing that May was
dead, not Brendan, when all along there's some part of Brendan that's in
her. They weren't that different."

     "Both of reacted by strong emotion," Norman said simply. 

      Back upstairs, May touched a picture of Brendan that had been
taken only a month before the tragedy. She meant her words, if there was
any way to go back and save Brendan, she would've done it, hands down. 

     But that wasn't completely the reason why she had said those
things. She knew Brendan would've wanted her to say them and she knew
that if he had been there, he would've wiped away her tears. She fell
asleep that night quickly, and without changing into her pajamas.

     In her dreams, it was raining incredibly hard, like it had that
very night. The streets of Littleroot were abandoned, except the two
trainers.

     "Do you consider this jealous?" he asked her with her father's
stolen gun pointed to his head.

      "Brendan, stop! I lied to you! I don't love Wally!" she screamed
against the howling of the wind. She didn't know if he would believe
her, but it was worth a try.

     He lowered the gun. Now to convince him to give it up. "Brendan, I
am not in love with Wally, and I never have been. It was so stupid to
say that and if I had known you were going to do this, I wouldn't have.
I care way too much for you. I think I even love you." 

      "You're not just saying that to stop me from pulling this trigger,
are you, May? Do you really love me?" he asked.

      Tears streaked down her face, but they mixed in with the rain.
"More than anything, Brendan. You're the most important thing in the
world to me. I couldn't bear life without you."

      He dropped the gun, and it landed with a clank on the pavement. "I
couldn't live withut knowing you felt that way," he told her and he held
her close as he led her back to her house. The gun was forgotten on the
sidewalk. 

     May couldn't believe how close she had come to losing him. "I love
you, and I will always love you, even after I leave your doorstep," he
whispered to her and as he walked away, the real May began to stir from
her sleep.

     And as she awoke, she could still hear his voice, feel the rain as
if a million frozen needles were hitting her and she could still see the
gun as it was forgotten on the sidewalk. "Why couldn't it have happened
that way?" she whispered to herself.

      Flooding back like the feeling in her dreams the night before,
there were memories. She would never forget seeing her father and
Professor Birch. She wondered if he was going to tell her mom, or if it
was a secret that he was going to keep. She knew she could've never told
her mother, it would be too painful to do so.

     She looked around her room the way she had done so many times since
she had moved there. It was the same as the night before, and the lone
picture she had looked at was still on her bedside table. 

     But there also, was now a piece of paper. And as she discovered
after she picked it up and read it, there was an envelope and a small
sack under it. The letter only returned her anger from the previous
night. 

How could he? 

HOW could he?

Dear May, 
You have given me time to think about your words and they have most
definetely sunk in. My apologies for accusing you of betraying his
memory. It was I who have done just that. You were right, I am not
thinking of Brendan as he was, and that is probably the worst thing for
me to do. I WILL try to quit my little habit, and that is why there is
also a small sack. In it, you will find the last of my son's money from
training. I'm sorry to say I used the majority of it to support the
abuse I have been causing to myself. May, you sounded exactly like
Brendan last night and he would've wanted you to say that to me. My
apologies again. Sincerely, Professor Birch 

     Talk about betraying Brendan's memory! The money he would've used
to buy his Pokemon potions, revives, little treats and even occasionally
his and May's dinner, was being used as DRUG money? May was too shocked
to even think about crying. 

     She opened the sack and dumped out the money and was even more
infuriated. There wasn't even enough money in here to buy two potions!
She knew Brendan had quite a bit of money when he died, and his father
had spent all but a little bit of it?!

     Still angry, she ripped open her last envelope, but unlike the
previous two, this one saddened her and even minorly sickened her. She
couldn't believe it.

Dear May,
I'm writing this one last letter to you, and I hope it reaches you. By
the time you read this, I won't be around to wipe your tears away, so be
strong as you read this. I don't think I will ever forget what happened
today and I am so shocked. I never thought you would do this kind of
thing. But nothing can be changed, this is the path I have chosen. Don't
ever think of me like this. Remember who I was when we were training.
Don't ever forget me either. I know things are bad right now, but cheer
up! They will get better. I love you, May, and I'll miss you. -Brendan

     All of the tears she could've cried had been used up already. She
knew all of this. He wasn't meant to be placed on a pedestal and
worshipped in his death. He wasn't meant to be remembered as the
champion, or even the winner who everyone had loved. He was Brendan, and
she wouldn't forget that. Or him. Ever.

THE END

Yes, of the end of the story. Hope you liked!!

<>Torchick<>