A/N: Before anyone tells me how crappy this is, know just this one thing: THIS IS A PRODUCT OF MY BOREDOM AND NOT A SERIOUS STORY.
Romeo and Juliet: Pokemon Style!
ACT 2
in which there is much
skipping of scenes
(All are nervously waiting backstage. Enter Chorus.)
Chorus: Two households, both alike in dignity,
In fair Lerona -
Erika: VERONA!
Chorus: In fair Verona, where we lay our bean -
Blaine: Scene, you idiots!
Chorus: - scene,
From ancient grudge break to new mutiny,
Where...
Janine: Hang on, hang on! My mobile's ringing! ...Hello?...Yes, this is
she...really? Omigawd, are you serious...omigawd!
(Audience starts booing)
(Backstage.)
Brawly: Fo'shizzle!
Ash: Do you ever say anything else?
Brawly: Fo'shizzle!
(Ash sweatdrops)
May: This is terrible! It's only the prologue and they're already booing!
Drew: We're gonna have to cut to Act 1.
Stage Director: ACT OOOOOOOOONEEEEEEE!!!
(Chorus exits)
Brawly: Fo'shizzle!
Ash: SHUT UP!
(Enter Jessie and James)
James: Gregory, on my word, we'll not carry coals.
Jessie: No, for then we shall be colliers.
James: I mean, an we be in choler, we'll draw.
Jessie: Ay, while you live, draw your neck out of collar.
James: I strike quickly, being moved.
(Backstage)
Misty: This is fantastic! Jessie and James are brilliant!
Brawly: Fo'shizzle!
(Ash sighs)
Flannery: Omigawd! And then she was like -
Drew (angrily): Shut up, you two!
Winona: Uh!
May: Oh God, Winona and Flannery, you're on in thirty seconds!
(Back onstage)
James: Me they shall feel while I am able to stand; and 'tis known I am a
pretty piece of flesh.
(Jessie looks like she might start giggling, but composes herself)
Jessie: Is well thou art not fish; if thou hadst, thou hadst been poor-John.
Draw thy tool! Here comes two of the house of the Montagues.
(There is a long pause. Jessie and James look embarrassed.)
Jessie: HERE COMES TWO OF THE HOUSE OF THE MONTAGUES!!
(Enter Winona and Flannery, still gossipping)
Winona: Omigawd! Seriously?
Flannery: Seriously. Oh, er...
James: My naked weapon is out. Quarrel! I will back thee.
Jessie: How? Turn thy back and run?
James: Fear me not.
(Backstage)
Brawly: Fo'shizzle!
Ash: Please God make him stop saying that.
May (biting nails): Oh no, I have a bad feeling about this.
Brawly: Fo'shizzle!
(Ash gags Brawly)
Brawly: Fmphphslll!
May: Oh God, oh no, look!!
(Onstage)
James (aside to Jessie): Is the law of our side if I say ay?
Jessie (aside to James): No.
James: No, sir, I do not bite my thumb at you, sir -
Winona: Who you callin' sir?
Jessie (exasperated, aside to Winona): It's part of the play.
Flannery: Omigawd, this is a play?
Winona: Omigawd!
(Both run off stage, leaving Jessie and James looking embarrassed.)
(Offstage)
May: What a disaster! We'll have to skip to...when?
Misty: Holy Miltank, we have to skip to Act 1, Scene 2!
Stage Director: SCENE TWOOO -
Ash: Wait! Who's the servant?
May: You can be!
Ash: I don't know the lines!
May: Improvise!!
(May pushes Ash onstage. Enter Tate and Richie.)
Tate: But Montague is bound as well as I,
In penalty alike; and 'tis not hard, I think,
For men so old as we to keep the peace.
Richie: Of honourable reckoning are you both,
And pity 'tis you lived at odds so long.
But now, my lord, what say you to my suit?
(Offstage. May is scanning script.)
May: Holy crap! I have to marry Richie!
Drew (spits out lemonade he was drinking): WHAT?!
May: Keep your voice down! No, I don't, because I marry you instead, and then
we both kill ourselves -
Drew: Oh joy of joys.
May: But I'm supposed to marry him.
Drew: Well, that's all right.
May (slyly): What's that supposed to mean?
Drew (turns faintly pink): I just thought I hadn't read the script properly.
Misty: A likely story.
Brawly (rips off gag): Fo'shizzle!
(Onstage)
Tate: ...come, go with me. (To Ash, giving him a paper)
Go sirrah, trudge about
Through fair Verona, find those persons out
Whose names are written there, and to them say,
My house and welcome on their pleasure stay.
(Exit Tate and Richie. Ash looks bewildered.)
Ash: Er...to people's houses I shall go...
and...um...if I fail, then...I am...a...hoe?
(Audience laughs appreciatively.)
(Backstage)
Misty: Oh no! Ash is Benvolio!
May: And?
Drew: And Benvolio is on soon!
May: Oh, god...don't tell me we'll have to skip another scene...
Drew: Unfortunately, it looks like it, unless Ash has a clone nobody knows
about.
Misty: Um...slim chance.
May: So, we'll have to skip to Scene 3.
Misty: This is turning out to be a nightmare!